Month: February 2018 Page 2 of 3

The Great Escape

You may be thinking this is about a prison break or a magicians trick.  Well you are wrong. It is simply a metaphor for my different stories in my life. This one in particular. It was my first day of college away from the Captain and the supreme dictator.  I think all fathers master that role.  It was the first of many days ahead that i would learn, grow and experience life.  I did just that I got involved in the school, I made friends for life and I found myself and grew academically. I was so proud of myself and I had gained confidence and control of my life.  It was the best time of my life and I credit all that helped me out along the way.  You know who you are if you are reading this.  As Billy Joel says in one of his songs, “It was a time to remember it will not last forever!” He was right. It did not last forever but the memories and the friends I made will last forever in my heart.  My room mate was a wonderful person one of my very best friends til this day. We do not speak a lot but we know each other is always there.  It was all about learning, life and growing up.  I was out of the Captains clutches and that was the best part.  Respect others. respect yourself and respect life. Now onto the next life lesson.

Which is your right?

Growing up in a dysfunctional house it is simply amazing I am still standing.  I was the youngest. I have two older brothers. One is extreme special needs and the other well he is just the clone of his father. He can do no wrong. The perfect son as I refer to him. Oh there is me I was the one who struggled with almost everything. After my mom had passed my Dad was all I had left. Summer and eventually college away were my saviors.  He is a very difficult man to say the least. Everything is his way, nothing I do or did is good enough and nothing I did was right.  I did not ask for much but when I did ask for the one important thing he refused to deliver.  It was my wedding .  I wanted him there and he refused to go because I would not do what he wanted.  I remember the day I asked him we were sitting in his kitchen and I said,”YOU are the only  parent I have left and if you do not come to my wedding I will never forgive you .” It still hurts to this day that he was not there.  I was getting married in a church and he wanted a justice of the peace. I was willing to compromise in anyway and have any person of the authority to marry us . BUT No again it was not good enough.  I did not speak to my father for a very long time. I refused to and even though we are on better terms now. I sometimes wonder if he thinks he was right? No my fans he was not right. When you are a parent you are there for your children no matter what. On the most important day of my life at the time he wasn’t. He let me down for the last time.  Years later our family grew and he never made an effort to come and see his grandchildren.  I guess being stubborn is more important than meeting your family. I will always be heartbroken over that there is no getting over it it is simply putting it aside for now.   For years he had a lady friend we will call M. I remember all the trips he took to Vegas instead of seeing his family.  M was his life and when she passed I listened to him grieve and I was there for him.  I know I did the right thing when I put my head on the pillow at night I can sleep. Can he? Maybe all that is going on with him now is payback for his sins. I do not know I am not god and not for me to judge.  All I know is that I am a parent now and I could not imagine not being there for my kids,  I do not want sympathy or a medal I just want to be the best parent I can be. There is no excuse not to. Now on to the next life lesson.

Purple Girl

I say purple girl because it is my daughter’s favorite color. When I see purple or lavender I think of her. She is my youngest and at times very funny. Other times rather difficult. I know all kids are but she has a head like a rock.  During her early years it was hard for her academically she needed more help and more individual attention. I fought for it and eventually they listened. I did not  understand why everything was a fight.  The important thing is she got it.  I held her back in the early grades and that was the best thing I ever did.  She has her whole life to catch up.   Second grade take two: She had the best teacher. I never had to blink I knew what she was doing in every subject.  Fast forward now in a different school due to relocation another small battle is being fought this time I am not alone I am part of a team.  It feels good to have friends that you share a bond with.  This is  big for me. I feel good about myself and the outcome that will eventually prevail. I have faith and I am determined because my daughter is MOST IMPORTANT! As it should be. The purple girl will succeed I know it. She is amazing inside and out.  She has the best sense of humor. I would not change one hair on her head.  After all she is my purple girl.

No closure

When I was in 6th grade I went to private school for one year. If you asked me now how was it you will get the death stare. Why because it was the WORST  year of my life. The school was filled with kids who were smart and above my learning ways. No matter how you sliced it was hell on earth.  Oh not to mention there were only four girls in the class and seven boys. My mom had this crazy idea it would be a good fit . I begged her every day to take me out and it was not for me. No one would listen. My parents were going through a divorce and my mom got very depressed so I thought if I stopped complaining she would get better. Well that day never came.  I remember it like it was yesterday it was very rainy Wednesday in mid April.  I got off the bus at my Dad’s office because I was staying with him while my mom got help for her depression.  I sensed something was wrong as I got off the bus. I saw her the day before and she looked so sad and skinny. I just kept thinking about her as I walked off the bus. I walked in to the office and there were no patients. Usually the waiting room was packed. That was a the first clue.  I walked to the back where my Dad was and a friend we will call M.  He told me she had died. I just cried and cried and cried. I had no words. I did not know what to say. I never got the truth until about five years later . I was not allowed to go to the funeral . It was nothing special just my Dad, my brother and my moms sister.  No one spoke but they got to say goodbye and I didn’t. I had no closure no real goodbye. I think her gift to me was to live my life and be the best I can be.  I do remember the good times and how she always decorated for the holidays to keep that small bit of happiness  alive in the house.  Fast forward thirty something years I still think about that day and I think how I want to think of her in the best light possible.  I guess that is my closure to think of the happy things and the few times she smiled. Despite what anyone says she was my mom and I loved her.  No family is perfect and if they seem they are they are hiding more.  I struggled as a kid academically and my mom helped me so much and its  because of her that I can help my kids. She was the teacher, the kind soul and the one who carried the burdens until there were no more.  I knew she did not want to leave but because she was so sad she felt there were no options.  She is with me every day and teaching me not to give up and be the best I can be.  So if you are sad please talk to someone that can help and remember YOU matter.  Now onto the next life lesson.

The Golden Rule!

Do you remember the golden rule? I bet it has been along time since you heard that statement. I bet you think about it if you are a decent person and if not YOU should. You should remember the rule because something worse is around the corner and that my fans is Karma! Don’t look now but if you do something to someone at a moment of weakness it will come at you like a tornado.  Do you know what you deserve it! Yes, that is right you deserve it! You should spend time being kind, and helping others, and being a productive member of society. If you spread evil and you are evil yourself you will not leave this earth without punishment.  Here is the golden rule: Do not do to others what you do not want done to you! There you have it I hope you learned something today. I hope you learn something everyday.  Life is a gift treat it that way. Now onto the next life lesson.

The Outsider

I could not only see it I could feel it. I knew that other kids treated my child differently. I tried everything Mommy and Me, Kindermusic,  and Mom’s clubs. All the same thing. Why is it my kid was ignored or treated differently. She looked like the others but they sense a difference. I think that was their loss. I saw it every time and I could feel the heartache in my soul. Where do we fit in I would think? What should I do? I knew she learned differently and through a zillion pokes, prods, and testing I had my answer she was a fragile X carrier just like me.  She is not autistic but she had characteristic of being on the spectrum and BOOM more letters more initials now they said ASD!  So that is why or are kids just plain cruel?  What is it she was nice she was polite but still she stood alone and why? Why cant people just accept people for what they are?  Who are they to judge my kid?  Where are the others like her? Oh  I forgot every kid is gifted! Wake up people very few of us are!  That was the “IN ” thing back where we lived. I hate that word!  It just so happens I hate the letter X too!  All we want is to be accepted!  Years and Years of searching for that friend or place to fit in became exhausting! She was happy just being her and I wanted more for her like any parent does for their child. Finally. as time went on and years went on we found some friends like us. It was a comfort and a blessing and lots of soul searching but we did it.  At times it was a relief and other times you still felt left out. I could see the other kids all playing together while mine was invisible to others.   I can still see how others treat my kids at times the kids that are main stream as they say. I can see it because I lived it.  I know that feeling of empty and wonder. Why not me or her or him or that little boy or girl?  Guess what we have feelings and we live and breath just like you! We like to laugh and tell jokes, and play just like you, we love to go places and meet people just like you! I am just not accepted like you!  That is all of us want isn’t it?  I know it hurts and I do not want your sympathy I want your ACCEPTANCE!!!   Let me know I am always here. Now on to the next life lesson..

The Chance

We all have experienced it once in our lives. It is the first chance or the first person that gives us our first break in life.  We never forget that one person that gave us the green light and saw something in us that no one else did.  I remember my person that gave me my first break in my life.  I am still grateful for that person without them would I have never had that once in a lifetime experience. Do you remember yours?  You should and you should know he or she help make who you are today.  He or she probably remembers you and hopes they gave you the tools to be successful.  We should not ever forget who we are . where we came from or who helped us along the way.  Everything happens for a reason and eventually when we realize why this happened hopefully we learned something.  Every day is a gift.  Your life is what you make of it.   In the advice of life work hard, play hard, and be the best you can be. Now onto the next life lesson.

Solo vs. The Team

For years I was solo I thought I was the only one fighting for my child. It turns out many of you were. We should have come together then and been united instead we all walked alone. Why should we walk alone when so many of us need support? We have all been there and its time we unite as one. We all ask ourselves that same question “Why is everything a fight?” I hear it all the time from so many and so many run and hide.  We all want our children to succeed, and be productive members of society. We need more than our guidance we need a leader, an educator, a voice and a plan ! The plan is to come together and speak and be heard and spread awareness of our needs and our kids and our purpose.   The day has come when I am finally part of that team! The team that speaks and the team that wants answers the team of 3!  We are speaking and we are being heard lets hope we can make a difference and let others know you can be heard, you have a voice , and you can join our team to have our kids learn, and be educated and challenged. When the leader is not leading and the kids are losing out that is when things need to change.  We need to come together and make a difference.  So many of you that read this know what I am saying or thinking of a plan and acting well don’t THINK DO!  Spread the word and know your concerns matter don’t fly solo find other voices and be heard as one. Now onto the next life lesson

The Savior

In life we come across all kinds of people. We are taught by our parents that some are good and some are bad. Don’t talk to strangers, don’t go with people you do not know, and always trust your gut.  Then as we go though life we learn that there is always someone we come across that lends a silent hand they sort of hint to you what to do if you are in a difficult situation.  They do not want to get involved but they give you ideas and hint to you without you realizing it and when it is time to use that information you are prepared without any explanation you suddenly know what to do.  It is like an instant reflex of the brain.  Those people have the knowledge maybe they have been through it and don’t want to share their story but they silently help you and then for the next time you can share your knowledge and you can be the silent helper.  We all have that one person or maybe we are fortunate enough to have more than one person giving us similar advice.  We would be very lucky to have two saviors.  I think we all have someone in our lives that helps us along it could even be a guardian angel.  That is for another blog. Now onto the next life lesson.

The Younger Years

People say kids will be kids. Let’s just say I don’t like that. Let’s say this terrible parents will raise terrible kids.  I think that is more suiting. It may be harsh but it is true. Where else do they learn that terrible behavior?  Everything begins at home Learning, manners, sharing, listening, and right from wrong.  When I was a kid my mother was very big on good manners. She used to say always say please and thank you, send someone a thank you , and always be polite to adults.  I think that is great advice. I saw her do the same. So I followed in her footsteps and people took notice.  My teachers always said, she is very hard worker, follows directions, and is very sweet.  Fast forward 30 plus years I  instill the same values in my girls.  I expect nothing less.  Now we are not perfect but we are polite. My daughter just won an award at school for behavior and respect. I could not be more proud of her.  I hear the same things from their teachers that my mom heard when I was a little girl.  I have seen other kids behave and I think it is disgusting! The bullying, the mean girls, the boys who can’t settle down . Whose fault is that? There are the rare cases where you have good parents and the kids are out of control. I always feel for those parents I am sure they are frustrated and disappointed.  We all have our frustrations and stress there is no doubt about it.  I grew up an affluent area some kids were spoiled, some kids were just mean, and other kids just had their own challenges.  I will explain mine in a future blog. Even though other blogs have hinted certain things. Let’s leave this one as is and move on to the next life lesson.

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