This  had not happened since I was kid where the neighborhood comes together to celebrate.  The community comes together and people are laughing, talking. eating. listening to the great music and simply enjoying life.  Friends and neighbors making friends and being a part of a community.  It is the simple life and it is new to me. I am used to coming home and having my family chores and minding my own business. Maybe that is part of the reason I have been afraid of fun.  I never thought after how I grew up I was even allowed to be included.  When I was little my mom passed and after that holidays were banished. I watched neighbors and friends gather and have fun and I never was allowed.  I was told not to bother them. do not bother them, do not go there, do not do anything just sit in your room.  Wow is that what life was supposed to be? Needless to say it was dysfunctional and ridiculous but it is the gospel truth. I remember those days that are engraved in m brain. I just accepted it and let things be as they were.  I often heard about the gatherings, the food, and the fun. No one asked me about my holiday maybe they just knew not too. Now thirty something years later I still have those images and for the first time in along time I had fun. Yes, I had fun and no one was going to tell me not too. I have always felt like someone’s prisoner chained to their command. Last night the chains were off but now the party is over and life is back to normal.  I do not want sympathy or a medal I just want to find that peace. I still have that underlying feeling I am not allowed to laugh or have fun.  I do not like to talk about it and I won’t. I began writing stories at a very young age it was my way of escaping the clutches of darkness. I could be whoever I wanted, go where ever I wanted and no one could say a word.  The more I wrote the better I felt.  Still the shadows haunt me. Maybe one day they will be gone I am not sure when but at least there is some light. I had fun and someone even told me it was nice to see me having so much fun. I almost did not know who they were talking about but I know it was me.  I have deep scars and images that may never go away but as time goes on the wounds will heal.  Fun is allowed and I know that but it is still hard to believe I was not chained to darkness and forbidden of fun.  We can move forward one day at a time. Now onto the next life lesson.